The Second First-Post That I’ve Ever Made
If that headline caught you off guard then I don’t blame you!
That sounds confusing as hell, but it’s accurate! While looking back today on the first post that I had ever made, I realized that it no longer reflects the true nature of what this blog is all about. Plus I had no idea what the hell I was doing!
So let’s try again shall we? 🙂
My name is Mathew and this is my first serious attempt at blogging.
In my life I’ve experienced many things. Growing up and going through school I was subject to a lot of bullying for being overweight and quiet. I had a strained relationship with my father and a difficult transition into adulthood without a clear direction.
After messing around in high school and taking my education for granted I eventually made my way into a college program for Police Foundations. There I developed a love for fitness and nutrition. I graduated with a diploma but decided never to pursue this career choice and opted to travel the world instead.
For 2 years, at the age of 22 I took off to New Zealand with a few friends on a working holiday visa. After a few months we all separated and went our own ways. I spent 6 months in New Zealand total and then another year and a half in Australia working and living life on the fly. I was also fortunate enough to visit a few other countries on that side of the world while I was there.
It was a spiritual journey for me and I spent a lot of time writing my experiences in a journal along with bits of self-reflection. I lived as best I could a version of life that I had always wanted to experience. Far away from family drama, expectations and obligations I was free to find out who I really was. I was finally testing myself against the odds without knowing what tomorrow could bring. It was both scary because it was unlike me as I knew me and rewarding because I survived.
In Australia I met a French woman that I brought with me back to Canada. I had supported her while we worked on her immigration, I worked in a steel mill in my home town and was burned immediately after her residence was approved. I had realized that I had been duped and I experienced a form of PTSD from having my world shattered by someone that I had trusted.
It was the first time in my life that I had realized that not every person is honest or moral or even cares about you just because you would do anything for them. I was shocked that I had overlooked the signs, but with time and a divorce, I was able to move on. Time didn’t pass without taking a toll on me first. I was not able to date again without being suspicious of every woman that I had met. I had also felt betrayed by certain family members after it all happened and felt very alone. I lost a lot of faith in humanity for some time and I was filled with doubt, anxiety and depression.
I was destroyed, but I was able to rebuild myself from the ground up. I took up modest bodybuilding as a hobby to help build up both my confidence and discipline again.
I rebuilt my life slowly again from the ground up. I cut up some relationships and built new ones on top the rubble of the old. Found a great woman, and surprisingly found out that we were having a baby together just a few months into the relationship.
Both dealing with issues of the past and personal losses we struggled to get along approaching the birth of our daughter. I injured my cervical spine by herniating a disk during a workout right around the time of my daughters birth. Life was stressful, but we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl.
With tensions high in our relationship shortly after the birth of our daughter, we separated not wanting to inflict any damage on our baby’s impressionable young mind. We were having trouble staying civil. We had also both had childhoods that involved less than ideal family environments at times and didn’t want to pass those experiences on to our child if we could help it. We took our own space and started counselling. The relationship in all regards felt dead, but we shared an intense love for our daughter. We wanted to be able to communicate better with each other for our future and for our little girl.
After my injury earlier this year, I had applied to multiple Universities to complete my dream of completing higher education in an area of study that I love. I decided that I wanted to write if possible. I have currently been accepted to one of my two University choices for September of this year and anxiously awaiting the decision on my other application. I had also made a few attempts to date again with mixed results, while trying to deal with the aftermath of our failed relationship.
My daughter is nearly 6 months old now and the light of my life. She has brought me back from problems with anxiety and depression and all on her own steered me towards a better direction in life before she could even learn to walk!
I have been going through a major transition in life and this blog has helped me tremendously to cope with everything that has been happening to me. It started as a form of self-imposed therapy and transitioned in to a way of reaching out to the world from my introverted bubble.
In the beginning my blog had only a vague direction, I knew that I wanted to motivate and inspire. I wanted to share myself with the world and I also wanted to create beautiful art through poetry or fiction when I could. I’ve come to realize that my blog does not fit a proper niche, and limiting it’s scope will never work for me.
Although I have not come to yet come to fully realize what Blog of the Wolf Boy will end up as, I’ve begun to view it as a lifestyle blog for an aspiring writer, a man that enjoys adventure and has never claimed to be perfect but who tries his hardest to be honest about it, a father and a lover with his own set of demons which challenge him on a daily basis. An imperfect humanist blog which aims to help others in some way on their own journeys.
I fuel myself on passion and I will follow that passion wherever it takes me. On the way I hope to support my fellow bloggers, share valuable information that I pick up along the way and have fun. I don’t want to take this journey alone and I look forward to meeting others with similar interests, experiences and aspirations. Let’s build each other up!
Welcome to my blog, the Blog of the Wolf Boy and thanks for coming!