In two days from today my beautiful baby girl, Nova, will be 6 months old.
It’s incredible how 6 months with such a little person has already begun to change my life for the better. Some of the ice that was building up around my heart melted the moment I first laid eyes upon her and it had never stopped melting. I thought today would be a good day to reflect upon my time with her and how it’s changed me.
As you’ve grown throughout the past 6 months I can’t help but feel that my heart has grown with you. Sometimes it feels like it’s ripping at the seams. I’ve never had as many tears born out of feelings of love, tenderness and happiness as I’ve had since you were brought into my life. You were the best medicine for all that ailed me. You gave my heart new life and you changed the reasoning behind how I wanted to live.
You’re slowly growing into my best friend and my biggest inspiration. You’ve taught me how to care about someone else more than I could ever care for myself. I’ve loved watching you grow up and develop a personality more than anything else in my life before you. I truly love you with all of my heart and I had never really known what that felt like before.
At first having this baby in my life caused me a huge deal of both joy and anxiety. She was so small, fragile and such a huge responsibility. Her conception was never planned and we were just going along for the ride! I had no idea how to care for such a precious thing. Fortunately, her mother Christina was always very good at being attentive to her needs and overcoming that fear of being responsible for something so valuable. She has shown strength, thoughtfulness and great affection towards her. She’s a wonderful mother and Nova’s quite fortunate to have her. It helps that she’s a nurse too!
Yet, after getting past those first few months where you were so vulnerable to the world, things became easier. Although the relationship between your mother and I dissolved for reasons of our own, we never stopped sharing our love for you and working hard to be great co-parents together. We have always just wanted you to be happy and to give you the best home environment that we could give to you. We will always be a family no matter what and it all seems to be working, because you sure like to smile!
In the past few months my baby has become a source of encouragement for me to become a better person than I have been in the past. To grow and evolve with her forever in my mind. To be the type of man that she can look up to and respect. Also to set an example for how she should expect the other men in her life to treat her and other women. I had been thinking of going to school on the other side of the country for a while, but with a little time I had realized that I could not possibly be that far away from her. No matter how beautiful the location or renowned the University. Being close to her is too important to me now.
It’s been so wonderful to watch you grow, holding your head up, recognizing the life around you, starting to make baby talk, rolling over and standing up with some support. I’ve been blessed to share this time with you and these experiences. You will always be able to count on me and I will work hard to give you the best life that I can possibly give to you, while also leading a life that makes you proud. Oh yeah, and sorry for my shitty Dad moment when I nearly dropped my cell phone on your head. I’m a butterfingers.
So in the end, 6 months has been a real roller-coaster ride. I’ve been challenged and rewarded beyond belief. My little girl is now my world, and no matter how my day has been, the moment she cracks a little smile my heart is a puddle of gooey mush. I’ve become overwhelmed with love, I’ve become a gentler human, I’ve grown great respect for women and I’ve been working hard at refining some of my self-destructive habits of the past. My eyes are set to the future as I slowly watch her evolution with wonder and anticipation.
“A child is a beam of sunlight from the Infinite and Eternal, with possibilities of virtue and vice, but as yet unstained.” – Lyman Abbott
Feel free to drop me your words of wisdom which you had learned through the raising of your first child. In my opinion I’m still an absolute novice to this, but I’m in love with the journey and enjoying every minute of it. Comments always welcome. Thanks for joining!