Ernie the Drunkard

This story was originally intended to be part of a writing prompt challenge, where a story needs to involve a certain set of criteria. This story was meant to be a drama, with an angel for a character, a beer bottle needed to be present, “Don’t leave me” had to be said and a damsel in distress needed to be met for bonus points.

Let’s call this a creative writing exercise.


An old man named Ernie stumbled out of a bar late at night with nothing but a half empty beer in his hand and the beginnings of a bad hangover. He zigged and zagged across the sidewalk as he wandered down the street, occasionally stopping for a moment to wet his whistle again.

At one point, as he was walking he noticed a beautiful vixen coming down the street from the other side of the road. She had fiery red hair which flowed down to a tight fitting black dress, long legs and a pair of heels. Ernie was so stunned that he dropped his beer right there on the street. As far as Ernie was concerned, this was the love of his life and what a night to find her.

Ernie brushed his long, greasy, black hair over top of the bald spot on his head. As Ernie was admiring the woman’s graceful movements, she took a bad step and collapsed to the ground with a thud. This was Ernie’s chance! This was going to be the day that he met Misses Ernie Donalds, and so he stumbled out on to the road like the white knight that he was. The woman with red hair looked over at Ernie with an expression betraying disgust but to Ernie, it looked like lust.

Halfway across the road, with a big grin on his face, Ernie was smashed into by a speeding car and smeared halfway down the street. The woman screamed out in horror at the brutality of the sight, and Ernie was sucked from out of his body as a spirit of the light. As he was being drawn up to the heaven’s away from all Earthly matters, he reached out to Misses Donalds, and whispered, “Don’t leave me”. Though his voice never reached her, she would always be Misses D to him.

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